Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Long lost.

Um hai. I hit the wall on writing, or a switch flipped... or something. When I started the other "A Piece A Week" blog, writing became immediately overwhelming. The feeling was building for a while; back in June I was asked by a blogger I admire to become a guest contributor. I accepted, and promptly froze right up. All thought left my wee brain. I feel terrible about it.

Weird thing is, this switch-flipping has happened to me before. I sewed clothes and quilts for nearly 30 years. But after I made my wedding dress, I stopped. That wedding dress broke me. I suddenly realized I hated sewing, always had. When I stopped sewing, a huge weight lifted off me. Switch, off.

Ever since I've been making an effort to write, I realize there are dozens of things I'd rather be doing. I'd rather be knitting, or painting, or gardening, or cooking, or reading, or getting a root canal- really, anything but writing. Writing has become the bad kind of work. And just like sewing, I'm not that good at it and I don't enjoy it. If either of those things were the opposite, I'd be pursuing it with fervor. Though I'm neither a great painter or knitter, I like the process of both. As for the process of writing- gee whiz no.

I hope basic blogging is different, mainly because I've found a little community online that I value. But I doubt I'll be writing much more than a diary and the occasional Toastmaster's speech. I might feel differently after the last mad rush of the gardening season is over. Then again, I might not. I miss knitting, and I've been getting the urge to paint again. Hmm.

(Also: Never mind that I've been putting up pickles galore every single weekend. Pickles, all kinds- jardiniere, eggplant, baby zucchini, peppers. We're crazy with pickles and there's more to come. I have to say, I really love pickling. It's a lot of work, but oh, the results. Apparently I have a latent pickling gift I didn't know of. Pickle season ends soon, and I'll be blogging more after the vegetable onslaught.)


laura h said...

well...I'm glad you're back b/c I was planning to send a search party up north to have a look see for your whereabouts...
I'm going to have to disagree with you on a few points:
you sew beautifully - your wedding dress was so pretty. I don't know anything about your weaving, but I have a hard time believing you're not that good at it.
you write really well - and you have a distinct voice AND something to say. Maybe you have a noisy inner critic, though - who could go on vacation and give you a break.
I've read that very sensitive people like to constantly try new things - and maybe that's how it is with you. Maybe you like to do things that don't get so much feedback, too - but I still think a lot of that feedback may be coming from your own head. I understand wanting a break from doing something when you've been doing it intensely and you're exhausted - but I hope you won't tell yourself that you weren't ever that good at it - b/c objectively YOU ARE.
Eight big hugs b/c I'm glad you wrote. smooch, too. L

Rabbits' Guy said...

Hey wormy ... welcome back! laura h makes some good points there ... I know lots and lots of people who are very good writers and have things to say but you can't squeeze it out of them with a garlic press.

I suspect there are complicated psychological effects behind that kind of stuff. Not sicko sorts, just deep reasons not well understood.

Quite awhile ago I taught a management class and we used a movie by Peter Drucker, an old, dead famous management consultant and it was called "Staffing for Strength": the gist of the movie was don't expect people to do what they can't/don't want to do. Try to put them where their strengths lie ...

Sounds like you'll go farther at Farmans than at Rsndom House!

That'll be $85, but you still have a bit of time left!

PS we actually got ripe tomatos here in the Pacific Northwest! Woo Hoo ...

L.Bo Marie said...

ohhhh good. you're not dead.

Friend of the Animals said...

Well hi and welcome back.

I too have been pickeling, but only pickels, with the help of my Mother in Law. So you have me wondering how to do jardiniere, because my dad loves that stuff, which is found all over IL but not in FL where he now lives. In your spare time can you tell me, or point me in the direction of help. My email falalacrafts@hotmail.com

Jennifer (of Veg*n Cooking) said...

Glad your back.

We all have things that sound like they would be enjoyable, turn out to be, well, not. You have to do what you enjoy doing, and not write for the sake of someone else - unless, of course, that is what you want to do.

I personally think you are an excellent writer, but do not want you to feel pressured to do things you don't want to.

I'm just happy your back!

Carolyn said...

Glad your back! I've missed your posts!

d. moll, l.ac. said...

Glad you haven't been vaporized, maybe just pickled. My two cents: writing is an art, which means you don't always feel like doing, sometimes it just ain't there, but it's good to keep your hand in just a little bit for the day it is there. Keep on doodling. But it is also good to do other things ; the arts enhance and support each other.

Leslie said...

It's YOUR blog. You get to blog when you want, and about what you want. And you can write whatever you like and however you like. And you can start sentences with prepositions. And nobody can do anything about it. So there.

Glad you weren't vaporized.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back!

Garden Wise Guy said...

Holly - the writing collaborative was an imaginative and worthwhile venture. You're to be commended for giving it a go. It's important to define what you DON'T enjoy, and sometimes that means taking a good shot at it. Stop by my blog - I'm in Portland Oregon attending the 60th annual Garden Writers Conference. I'm still loving this new endeavor.

later, skater.

Verde said...

Well, geez I'm glad You havn't been planted - just pickled [snicker].

I hope you'll check in on your blog. It's nice conversation.

Maggie said...

Hi Ilex, I have missed stopping by your place for a chat.
Maybe you could image blog and show us those pickles and some cheese and some crusty bread and some French pastries and and and!
Guess you are heading into winter now, please stop by our blog and check out our garden and our puppies in the photos link.
Our group blog works well as Kate likes to write all the time and the rest of us just add words sometimes.
I like to write comments, long ones!!!

Yellow said...

Glad you're well & happy again. I'd love to see your shelves of pickles too. Any interesting recipe combinations to share?
I'll be jam makin, foraging in the wilds of Northern England, in fact I discovered a plum tree yesterday while out driving, so I'm getting that excited & sticky & sugary feeling.

Robbyn said...

Hey woman....longggggggg time tardy here!! Life hit, and the computer had to slink to the background. Oh my gosh, your poor deck!! I'm sending you Hurry-Up-And-Get-It-DONE-People vibes till you can have your green babies back. It's nice to see how you've been, and always a shot in the arm read...miss you, girl!! (I've been away from the puter a lot, too...Jack's mom passed away, he had surgery recently, and so on and so on...)